A little Blue

Feeling a little Blue right now

Once again for no earthly reason, depression strikes, or perhaps dawns would be a better description. Feelings of worthlessness , and just an overpowering deep knowledge that there is no point in trying to achieve anything as it is all utterly pointless. Yes its that time again, I have had regular re-occuring bouts of depression interspersed with anxiety and just to add a little variety the odd agoraphobic turn. Normally as a rule I have been able to work my way through with out much intervention but this time I have conceded defeat and gone to see the Doctor, so now I am on pills and I will be getting councelling.This also worries me as I can only see myself going over the same old ground, as one thing that we cannot do is change our history, and to have arrived at this point having made the choices along the way it would seem odd to say , whoops it's all been a big mistake. The pills do seem to work as I am beginning not to care about anything at all, besides my job as my employers have recently changed policy to one of far more stringent monitoring of any illness.Though I have suffered these lows before I have never felt such a total lack of energy or drive before which worrys me more than anything else.

28.12.98
Christmas is just about out of the way now , and I am feeling a little bit better,
though I have been informed I will have to keep taking the Prozac till some time in May !!!
I have very mixed feelings about this but they do seem to work and I have started to recover a little bit of my drive to do things again.

26.2.99 I have just started my counselling sessions.The first one was quite weird because I had to go back over most of my life history and there seem's to be rather more of it than I remember...... And I am still on the tablets, maybe I am just crazy.. Who can say. If this is getting too weird for you push the button above, and you may well be even more confused.

2001 Ish OK Guess what I am back on the drugs Bounce , Bounce. Hey they seem to work, but I can not think at all. I have no judgement, and I am making inappropriate remarks... Just as well that knows letting me loose with anything important around here.

2003 I am not on Prozac I do have downturns but they are mostly controlable, Hooray
I got promoted at work, and I have been doing Ok for a year. I have partially overcome my fear of flying to be able to fly to the USA to see friends though I am still not comfortable with it, but I can do it.I get out a lot, and I have fun

March 2004 Hey guess what, I am now back on Fluoxetine(Prozac) again, whoops, well you can't win them all I suppose...
Work is getting a bit stressfull, and I am getting very wound up which is not good at all.
I found some really old video I did in about 1995, you can see it if you click >>here.
You will need windows Media Player.My friend Dave also appears in it very briefly too
April 2005 Well things are very frantic, I am in a band and I am not on medication. I play with a band Called Elephant Shelf which takes up a lot of time and is fun.How long I can actually hack it for only time will tell. I still have a lot of problems to deal with though.
My personal life is a complete mess too just to add a little flavour to it all. I will try to be patient and perhaps time will make some sense of all of this or not.
August 2006 OK still surving, and still in the band, just coming on 2 years now.

Places of interest
Index
My music is here > Love my music.com
and also at > www.glass-cage.com